November 2009

• Check out Desert Bus for Hope. It's a great charity that donates all its funds to Childs Play Charity, but with the added bonus of being put on by an insanely funny Canadian comedy troupe. So, go see Desert Bus, and afterward if you want to check out some quality comedy sketches, go see their main site at Loading Ready Run!

• If you haven't checked it out already, make sure to go visit the various Anissa pages I'd linked in my previous blog. She's made a lot of improvement over the last few days, but the family could still use a little help with donations and prayers.

• This entry was supposed to have a pretty awesome picture I took today but I'm pretty amazing and forgot my cord thing at my parental units house, so when I came home in hopes of giving you something completely ridiculous to laugh at, you'll have to wait until I make another blog post.

One thing I've always admired about the blogging community is that they've always been able to band together for those in need. I've seen it time and time again, and I know that I'll continue to see it for as long as they'll let us blog.

That being said, I do apologize for this being the second serious blog in a row. However, if I intend to be a part of the community, I would love to take the time to help a fellow blogger out.

Anissa Mayhew, famed blogger of Free Anissa and Hope 4 Peyton and Aiming Low, has been an influential member of the blogging community for a while now. I've been reading through her blogs lately, and I always find myself laughing and smiling like I knew the damned woman forever. She's got serious amounts of moxie, biting sarcasm, and a bit of adorable neurosis tossed in, just to keep it interesting. She's a mother to a spunky little cancer survivor, and a friend to pretty much everyone she came across. What a sweet lady.

So without further gilding the lily, I present the very first:



As you can tell by the title, today's blog post has to do with vampires. If you spend any amount of time watching TV, going to book stores, browsing the internet, frequenting any shopping center ever, or being alive, you know the hype over vampires. Vampires are the new weird teen girl fetish, and I suppose its only fitting that the first link (which is very NSFW, I must warn you) would be something that would try to fufill your every vampire fantasy. I was actually linked this ... thing, by my friend Amy, who is pretty much pro at finding the worst shit on the internet. I bestow upon you the horror that is The Vamp, possibly (but not probably) the first vampire-inspired dildo. Now, I wont post the complete image here, but I will post the highlight of the visual.



That's right, ladies. You too can have a sparkling vampire dildo for all your traumatizing vampire-based fantasies. And the makers of such a fine product have actually gone a step further, to make sure you knew that you were getting the most authentic experience possible:

"Yes the The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience!"

That authentic experience. Of fucking a vampire. Or rather, of fucking a detached vampire cock. Now, I don't want to go into all the reasons this is terrible and wrong, I'll let you guys figure that out for yourselves. But the first thing I thought was "Who, I ask, who would be the target audience of such a product? And then I found this little gem today on Yahoo! answers.

Now, to be perfectly honest, I wasn't surprised at all when I saw it. Basically, the way that books, TV, and movies glorify the "Vampire Lifestyle." So, naturally I assumed that this was a fifteen year old girl who has been having an rough/awkward patch at school, and somehow thinks that being a vampire is going to make her less repulsive to her peers. (Hint: At 15 everyone is repulsive to everyone else. Being a vampire stuck at age 15 probably just makes you all the more socially awkward and gross, for eternity.) It's the answers that got me. I knew they would be amazing, and I was not let down. The answers were golden. Allow me to walk you through some of the better ones.

Ahhh yes. The argument of "VAMPIRES ARE REAL BUT NOT LIKE FICTION DEPICTS." Because clearly there are a plethora of real vampires, you're just stupid to know what they are like.




Now, this young lad (or lass) makes the same point as the first answer I shared. However, my favorite part is "I'm a werewolf but I can't shift." That is to say, you're just human? Yeah, that's what I thought.



This would win for my favorite answer if it weren't for the next one. This one depicts my favorite thing about the internet: People who like to think that they've got supernatural powers when they're clearly just socially awkward. I like to imagine this as a 16 year old boy who sits in his history class, staring intently at the back of a cute girls head, trying to absorb her emotions. Seriously, though. I've known a lot of people, even in real life, who describe having this exact power. (Granted, this is my first time that I've heard it called "emotional vampirism.") When really, they're normally just average, over-sensitive teenagers who grow up and grow out of it. Its still funny to watch them try to come up with stupid reasons for teenage mood swings.

They're almost like everyone else, except that they're really pretty strange.



Okay, this is my favorite one. Hands down. Just for the phrase "His head has the shape of a vampire." Otherwise, I think this person is supposed to be making fun of the asker.



Oddly enough, this was the only openly witty answer to the question, which was pretty magical if I do say so. Whoever this person is, I applaud their snarky answer. Good job, unknown answer person. Very good job indeed.

And that is where I leave you, faithful readers. To absorb this horrific wealth of "WTF" I've dropped on you for this evening.

Another quick thing before I start. Has anyone seen this BAD ASS PINK ROCKET YET? If you're not into WoW, of course you won't care. But holy shit this is totally a rocket mount that comes out in the "Love is in the Air" event this coming February. If I do not get this amazing pink rocket mount I am going to go to throw a fit. ITS A PINK. FUCKING. ROCKET.

I do apologize for the lack of updates over the last few weeks. Things had gotten pretty busy around here, what with holiday preparations and the boyfriend's grandparents coming up and visiting for four days. I'll give you a real quick recap.

The website was down a few times when I went to post a blog. I was told that this was because of some server errors. Eh, it happens. Sure, I wasn't thrilled, but I trusted Liam to get me set back up, and he did. Nothing lost, no real damage done. So thankfully, the website is back to being pretty damned stable. (Huzzah, hopefully I didn't just jinx it.) As for the blog posts, I decided that I didn't really like them and put them in my "to possibly be reworked" file, which is a place where they'll most likely rot. Eh, sorry about that.

Then, last week, things just got busy. I ended up doing a decent amount of preparation work for when Sanct's grandparents came up to bring us a car, and to visit. They stayed from Wednesday until Saturday, and it was pretty nice to get to spend some time with them. I learned how to make tamales from scratch, a skill that I assume will serve me well later on when I want to impress people with my badassery. There were a lot of life stories exchanged as well as playful teasing done. We went out to a nice restaurant and I got to see everyone all dressed up. It was -awesome.- We had fun! However, I didn't have access to a computer (or TV, or cellphone, really) so it was the better part of four days that I went without internet and obviously couldn't write a blog.

Well, I finally came out of my "Leave me alone, I'm being a recluse until I balance out" stage, which is basically what I go into every time I have to socialize for an extended period of time. Everyone else calls it "vegging," I think. Regardless, I'm back and ready to get ready to post, which is good, because I'll probably get lazy just before my birthday and not want to post anything. And then Thanksgiving will be coming up and I'll be busy with that. Are these just excuses? Yeah, probably. I'll try to get back into the swing of blogging. I guess.