Written by Rook Friday, 14 May 2010 00:00
Monday, May 10th - A lot of you will probably remember how I had written about the toilet paper banded, the man who wrapped his face up in toilet paper to rob a Nebraskan convenience store. Well, Nebraskans, you guys can sleep easy, because Police finally arrested him.
Monday, May 10th - This isn't stupid so much as sad, but the way MSNBC worded it on their site was a little weird. Okay, so this kid in Pomona, California was doing some track and field work, and he was throwing some javelins. He threw one, went to get it, then tripped and managed to impale himself. The javelin entered near his hip and came out through his butt. It's sad. I don't find that funny. What I do find weird, if nothing else, is the fact that they make mention that "Police took an accident report but nobody was cited or arrested." It seems a little obvious to state that. I dunno. That's just...weird.
Sunday, May 9th - Apparently some asshole in Breckenridge, Colorado shot himself in the groin. Now, I'm not sure if "groin" is a code word for "junk" or if "groin" actually means the groin muscle, but either way you can tell two things from this story: The guy was drunk, and the guy was stupid. Apparently he was drunk in a grocery store parking lot and illegally discharged his weapon. He maintains that it was self defense, someone had hit him in the back of the head. I'll tell you what probably happened.
1. He was drunk.
2. There was something harmless in the parking lot he thought he could shoot.
3. He thought he'd try a trick shot between his legs.
4. He was drunk.
5. He was REALLY drunk.
6. He unloaded his gun into his groin or balls or something because he was drunk.
Friday, May 7th - Some 20 year old chick ran into Lord Jesus Christ. No, seriously. The guys name was Lord Jesus Christ. Some girl plowed into a 50-year-old man as he tried to cross a busy street in Northampton Massachusetts. He wound up being just fine, and only had to be treated for minor facial injuries. What an odd way to get your fifteen minutes of fame.
Written by Rook Wednesday, 12 May 2010 00:00
Belladonnas Foot Soldiers 
So, people have foot fetishes. No, I know this. It's actually one of the more common fetishes out there. In fact, in college I'd met a guy, and on our first "hanging out" occasion we watched that one Keanu Reeves movie where he apparently strangles Mexican teenagers, vomits tar, and smokes a lot. I don't know, I don't watch movies because they make me fall asleep. And after the movie was over, the guy turns to me and goes "So what do you like?" and he said it in that sort of sexy tone that you know means he thinks its going to turn sexual so I just shrugged like the awkward eighteen year old geek that I was and I mumbled something awkward under my breath. He laughed and then grabbed my feet and put them on his chest and touched them. A lot. And I knew what he was going to say BEFORE he said it, except that when he put my feet on his crotch I began awkwardly giggling so hard that I had tears streaming down my face and somehow I actually became friends with this guy. But yeah. So these are apparently feet that you can stick your dick between or use them to crush your balls. I don't really know what foot fetishists do. Other than ask you for footjobs.
...yeeeah.
Written by Rook Monday, 10 May 2010 00:00
So, for about eleven days at the 5th of May (when I am writing this blog), I have been ungodly ill. No, nothing flu-like. But we're talking the chest cold from hell. Yes, kids. From Hell. What does this mean for you? Nothing, really, except the fact that because I have been mixing OTC medications left and right trying to get some relief of the coughing and the sore throat and the sleeplessness, my blogs might be a bit... Weird. Weirder than usual. Normally about the time I'm flying high on a drug cocktail consisting of four vitamin C's, a benadryl, a Tylenol head cold, some pills that are apparently a holistic cure my dad swears by, with a chaser of about a half-cup of Children's triaminic and a teaspoon of silver (yes, silver. Like the metal) - I think to myself "Hey. You know what time it is? It is time to write a blog."
Which is either the best or worst idea in all of history. I'm not sure yet, because I've already written three blogs for the coming week (and a day) and I haven't really proof read them beyond spell checking. That's right kids. I don't even really remember what they're about. But we'll find out together. Because I want us to take this adventure together.
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Dear Facebook Movie: Fuck you. No one cares about your shitty movie. Fuck fuck fuck fuck you.
About Rook
My name is Rook, and I'm the sole writer for A Fork in the Socket (aFitS) - my personal blog. I'm a pretend writer, I'm a full-fledged twitter addict, and above all I'm a die-hard geek. You can find out more about me right here.